I Love New York
On July 15, 1999, the following was published on the editorial page of the Delaware County Daily Times
Queen Hillary showcases her stuff as she tours through New York State.
Truly a woman of accomplishment, Hillary, as a New York State Senator, will bring to New York a record of accomplishment similar to her record in Arkansas and Washington.
At the White House, Hillary was the driving force to remove the ashtrays, one of her more significant accomplishments. Bill was especially grateful, as they would no longer be available to conk him upside his head.
Hillary was also responsible for setting up the White House security, hiring bar room bouncer Craig Livingstone to head up the elite unit. It was under this Cracker Jack security unit that the likes of Monica Lewinsky were granted unlimited access to the presidential penis. More wives should be more supportive of their husbands' adulterous lifestyles. They also welcomed the likes of Chinese arms dealers and international drug dealers into the White House, which proved to be a lucrative financial bonanza for the Democratic National Committee.
Hillary is also recognized as one of the nations all time greatest lawyers. As a representative for the White Water and Castle Grande land deals, she brought to her partners experiences that they could never have imagined - indictments, imprisonments, and death.
And most recently, she has begun her quest to become a Senator from the State of New York. With her prestigious record of accomplishment, it is inevitable that she will be elected. With her finger on the pulse of her fellow New Yorkers, her "Listening Tour" has manifested itself in national adoration. Just recently, she took a significant step in defining her platform, by acquiring a New York Yankees baseball cap and proclaiming
"I am a Yankees fan!"
Next month we will see her atop the Empire State Building. She will pull an apple out of her pocketbook, take a bite and proclaim, "I have always loved apples, but my favorites are the Big Apples grown right here in New York City!".
President Queen Hillary in 2004. She will be a shoe in. That is, if she can manage to stay out of prison. And even if she does goes to jail, she will still have a good shot at the presidency.
America, ya gotta love it.
© 2001 
johneeo@rcn.com
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