SNAGGLEPUSS RIGHTS

OK, I admit it. I am a member of PETA. No, not People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, but the other one established about 6 million years Before Christ, 
People Eating Tasty Animals.

If god had not wanted people to eat lobsters, why did he give us melted butter? If god didn't want us to eat cows, why did he give us baked potatoes, A-1 and Heinz 57 Sauces?

In my humblest of opinions, I have come to the conclusion that the newer PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is a group of loopily enhanced human beings. I have a problem with people that put the same value upon the lives of cockroaches as that of children. Well, most children anyway.

PETA sued a restaurant because they cooked a lobster on a morning television program. I am not making this up ...something about cruel and unusual treatment of a sea creature. I guess it is OK to cook lobsters, as long as it isn't broadcast on live TV coast to coast, and I can see their point.

Picture a tub full of lobsters going about their business, and on the TV they see Uncle Lucky about to be boiled alive. "Gadzooks, little lobsters, that's Uncle Lucky on TV!

Mommy, Mommy, what's Uncle Lucky doing on Good Morning USA?"

PLOP!!

These boneheads actually believe that animals have the same rights as human beings. Call me an egotist if you will, but I rate myself somewhat superior to the lightning bug, lobster, pig, and cow, with one exception. I don't think I would taste as good served on a plate medium rare with French fries. But, when I pass on, be my guest, stick an apple in my mouth, bake at 350 for about 8 hours, and baste often. Serve me with pickled livers, and wash me down with your favorite beer or 80 proof beverage of choice. The next day, be sure to tell all of your friends and co-workers that you "just passed Johno in the restroom" HA HA HA!!!

If I could have my way with the PETA people, I would dip them in Heinz 57 sauce and deposit them in the middle of a jungle, or rain forest, as they prefer to call it. Hopefully, they will come face to face with Snagglepuss, and he will look at them as if they were a walking talking twinkie.

I would suggest that this would be a good time for them to share with Snagglepuss their convictions about animal rights. Snagglepuss will do one of two things. If he is a reasonable kitty, he will see the fairness and wisdom in such beliefs, and go eat a mango. However, if Snagglepuss is your typical kitty, human-ala-king is the snack of the day.

In the real world, there are two types of living things. Type A creatures will kill just about any living thing. Sometimes, Type A creatures will even eat what they kill, but not always. Lions, tigers, bears, sharks, and most humans would be examples of Type A's. If it moves, they will want to kill it. If it's palatably desirable, they will then eat it.

Type B creatures were put on the planet to be killed by Type A's. Examples of Type B creatures are mice, flounders, deer, pheasants, cows, bugs, and Uncle Larry. Type B creatures are killed for two reasons - fun and/or food.

Most humans are Type A creatures, in that it is an innate human trait for us to want to kill anything that lives and breaths. Now I know some of you will categorically disagree with this statement, however, I want you to consider the following. Without any instruction, give any four year old boy a whiffle ball bat on a summer's night and turn him loose. If you're a lightning bug within a bat length, go ahead and blink. Or if its daytime, give him a magnifying glass, and within about a minute you will find him standing over a pile of fried bugs. Give him a B-B gun, and watch the neighborhood pets disappear. Hmm, this might not be a bad idea, HA HA HA!

Now don't get me wrong, I am not supportive of wanton killing of all living creatures. I am just cognizant of the fact that it is part of Mother Nature. For this reason I personally avoid jungles, bad neighborhoods, religious fanatics, the Schuylkill Expressway, and upstate Pennsylvania during hunting season.

Will we ever live in a world where every living creature's favorite meal will be grass, ferns, bananas, and leaves? Not while I am here. I'll stick with surf and turf. Pass the butter and A-1 Sauce, please.